turning sides in lonely night

Turning sides in bed is a new normal

I don't force myself to sleep now

Had done it million times already

Efforts of sleeping get wasted

Night by night in the black nothingness.

Of course this was not like this,

When we used to sleep side by side.

But it started after your going away that

My chest misses the tickle of your fingers

My hair miss the strokes

Of your sweet hands.

My cheeks and lips miss 

The soft kisses if your lips.

Laying in bed, thinking of you

The night walks all way with me,

And my thoughts of you.

In morning I beg forgiveness to your reminisce,

I preserve the eternal requiem of yours

For the coming night.

blazing loneliness

Something at me stares fast,

which leaves me in fear and aghast

It tends to harm me,

it sometimes threatens me

I live in my life in terror.

It follows me wherever I go,

It imitates whatever I do,

It often looks at my body,

with eyes red and glance shady.

I run back home with fear

it shoots me with whetted spear.

I fall down and I scream,

waking up I realise, it was my dream.

I contemplate what had me chasing,

it was nothing but my loneliness blazing.

can't we go to the village

I don't like it here 

can't we go to the village?

Its too noisy here

can't we go to the village?

Gusts of crowd everywhere

can't we go to the village?

I hate these clouds of dust in the air,

can't we go to the village?

This air chokes me

can't we go to the village?

This house is stuffy and smelly

can't we go to the village?

There are no trees in sight,

can't we go to the village?

People are bad to each other

can't we go to the village?

There is no river around to bathe in

can't we go to the village?

Her son asked her this question again,

can't we go to village?

I'll picture you

I'll smoke a cigarette

And I'll picture you in my mind.

I'll picture every moment 

That we've lived until you left me.

The white cloud of smoke

Will make your face out of it.

I'll look at your face of smoke but,

it vanishes the other moment.

Then my cigarette will also be finished

But my wish to see you, would not.

So I'll lit another,

And produce another cloud of smoke

Again your face appears in the smoke.

This will go on until my stock of cigarettes last,

Then I'll tear off my hairs out of agony

And I'll wail out your name. 

pitch dark

You turn you head away from me,

But I continue to look at you

You slim neck with beautiful mole

And tresses fell all over it.

I know your fake anger,

And i know you are smiling

And hiding it from me.

I keep quiet and keep looking at you.

You wait for me to address you

And ask forgiveness, but i don't.

Then you turn around slowly 

Peeking through the corner of your eyes.

To make sure that I am noticing or not.

When I catch you peeping.

You started punching meekly on my chest

Complaining why I am not apologizing for the crime I never did.

But leaving that I quickly clutch my ears by lobe.

And you chuckle.

I put then my head into your lap and you dab me to sleep with tender soft hands.

Then something hit my head hard

Like blacksmith's hammer hit the iron.

I wake up and find nothing around me

You, the love, the joy, the solace.

All are gone

Leaving me in pitch dark room.

rapture in anguish

Love hurts

But notwithstanding people get involved in this.

Because

There's rapture in the anguish,

And there's life in this death.

The pleasure one get when

Breathing becomes impossible when they're not around,

And the state in which the lover falls

When parted.

Love remains inspite of all the grief,

And that is not love

Which alters in the times of agony. 

you never came

I sleep in night and suddenly scream

I sweat and frightened of the nightmares I see.

That moment I wish you come,

take my sweaty head into your lap

And dab my forehead slowly, and

Put your thin index finger on my lips,

To quell my sobbing.

I wish you come,

And lie beside me and

Caress my hair and 

Lull me, and sing me to sleep.

But my wishes never came true and

The portion of bed remains empty,

I keep screaming for endless nights.

I keep waking up in the middle of nights,

Full of sweat and a fear deep in my heart.

I get through that pain everyday

Which cut opened my wound,

And I dithered with pain.

Still I am alone in my apartment,

Waiting for you.

empty road

I sit down at window 

On a chair.

And I look on the road,

The road is empty as my heart,

It's devoid of any traveller, not a soul.

I see nothing but still I keep eye on it,

For my heart says may you come back.

I look on the road and I see

Gusty winds put up dust

From the sides of the road and circle along,

It makes your figure, a silhouette of dust,

And flows along, towards my window

Like you are coming towards me,

In the form of vortex.

But then I flick my head and

Everything thing vanishes

The wind, you, and the vortex.

I start looking again on the empty street,

A vista through the trees in the sideways,

I look with hope that you'll return.

But deep in my heart I know you never will

Because I know you never did it in the years

So long back that my mind is unapt of counting.

However, I keep this hope in my heart,

And keep imagining you coming on that empty road,

In one form or another,

For it brings me peace and a little time 

To live what we've lived before

When we were together.

in the night

Days are tough but I pass them anyhow

But nights are unbearable,

'cause nights comes with the agony

Of your parting.

And the images of you with me

Ran in my mind and deepen the wound

Of separated love.

Though I sleep after so many tries

Then comes the nightmare which

Hounds me till I woke, soaked

In sweat and scream like

Someone has speared my sore heart.

All the night I stay awake and

I ask questions to the walls of the room

And to me 

Why did you left?

No one answers neither the walls nor me 

Maybe we both don't know,

Or you forbid us to know.

One day

You vanished like you never existed

like you never lied beside me in this bed

And I stood their

Waiting and waiting and waiting

But you never came

But these sleepless night did

And now here I am,

Weeping and depluming my hair

At the mid night.

Hoping your stone heart will melt

And someday you'll come back.

and I love you

I walk the road and I miss you

By my side, and the sound,

Of you slippers, whenever

You lie your steps one by one.

And I miss the accidental touch

Of your hand into mine

While walking. And I miss

The talks which we do all the way,

And I miss the inhaling and exhaling

Of your breath when

You try to walk faster than me,

And I miss your fake angry face 

When I catch you without any efforts.

And I miss you by my side,

When I walk the road now,

Now that I am alone.

end of this world

I think end of this world is near,

And you are still not here.

Everyone is dying and suffering,

The high chair people are laughing and 

Enjoying their meal while watching

Starving people on the streets.

One day will come when I'll starve of your love

And die, even then you'll not notice.

tribute to Irrfan Khan

I'll die and you'll die

Each and every life bearing organism

Will die

But you are defferent, your body can be dead

But you'll be alive in the pictures you made.

And you'll be alive in the thoughts of people 

Whom you taught how live the life.

You'll be remembered by your children and wife.

You'll be remembered by your beautiful and wierd eye.

You voice like sands slipping from hand and you laughter

Like someone smashed glass on the floor.

But still you'll be remembered

As Macbeth and Roohdaar and Fernandez.

You'll be remembered.

alone

Oh yes! I am alone

And maybe will remain so,

Since you're not coming 

"Dropping Slow"

And not covering my life,

Like the mantle of night

Covers the sky at the nightfall.

But, no need to be panic

For you'll come I'm sure. 

Even if you don't I'll live my life

Yearning for you ever.

And die in peace and then meet you.

music

music,
what is it
it is the a feeling
that you cannot express.

it is the expression of the sentiments
you have when you are subconscious
it can make you sad
it can make you dance
it can make you think
it can make you sing

music is the mood changer
also the mood maker

it is the flavor in the good food
it is the the feeling of having a
beloved one in the life.

sadness

Where does it come from?

Left me with no power at all

My hands are dull 

My mind hugely tumult.

I don't want it
My mind wanders
In the deep seas and
over the mountains
Searching for the the sphere
In which It can be merry,
But, how can it be merry
When you are not here at all.

My heart skips beats
It tells me it doesn't want to beat.
It says it is now fatigued,
With beating alone.
It says it needed someone,
To give it the warmth it needed.

walking on grass

We are walking on grass barefoot

Holding hand in hand

Your steps are rhythamical with mine

Making my ears sentimental.

You look and smile at me,

For I am clenching you hand slowly.

The scrunching sound of the dried leaves

Gesturing of the coming winter.